The PATH back to YOU
Do you feel out of sync, not quite yourself and unsure as to why?
Are you living the life of your dreams or following the expectations of others?
Do you crave to be living a more authentic life that aligns with your dreams and goals?
A little about me to start, around six years ago, I found myself being everything to everyone… except myself. Working full steam ahead with little thought for my own self love and self-care I put others wants and needs before my own. Soon enough this began to manifest in terrible insomnia, where even if according to my Fitbit I ‘slept’ for 8 hours I would wake feeling exhausted, heavy and drained. And yet day after day I just kept going and thinking to myself “it will get better I just need to push through this phase”. Now not only was my slept dramatically being affected, my nutrition and food intake was also suffering. Is this sounding familiar?
Often going without meals because a) I wasn’t hungry and b) I just couldn’t be bothered making anything. Starting to see a pattern here? I wish I had earlier. Funnily enough I didn’t lose a lot of weight given how little I was actually eating (not that I did so to lose weight). When I did eat it would be snacks that let’s just say weren’t the most nutritious for my body.
Next came the endless tears, and often for no apparent reason. Anything and everything would set me off and there were days I just felt like I would never stop crying. More exhaustion then came. So, with terrible insomnia, less than desirable nutrition and overwhelming sadness I finally hit my brick wall (which is different for everyone).
Does this sound familiar, is this you or someone close to you? Can you feel that niggling in your gut that tells you yep this rings familiar.
Reflect on the below signs and where you might sit:
- Feeling anxious all the time
- Feeling depressed and unhappy all the time
- Emotional outbursts (crying for me)
- Sleep issues (hello yep that is me)
- Appetite changes (little to no eating meals)
- Isolating from family and friends
- Problems concentrating
- Feeling disconnected from reality
- Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness
It can often feel like a heavy weighted blanket covering you all day, every day. A darkness that never shifts and if anything becomes all consuming. Crying, insomnia and lack of food may became the norm and there may seem to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
Should substance abuse and self-harm be a part into your headspace, please reach out for help. Be that a close friend or family member, or professional assistance.
I know how challenging that first step can be, and it feels so overwhelming and just too damn hard! It’s another thing to do that you just don’t have the energy or motivation for. What I also know, is the first step is the hardest, and then a huge sense of relief comes that you did and a sense of pride in pushing through the crap. A physical and emotional release of some of the internal pressure bubbling away. My goodness what a positive shift that is!
Do you even know the real you, the version of you that you want to be (or aspire to be)? If not, do you know who or what you want to be, is the first question to reflect on. Sit with this question for as long as you need and really sit it.
Let your mind, heart and soul wander and you’ll find the answer you are looking for.
Where does your mind and thoughts take you?
Are you living somewhere other than where you are right now? If so, how can you incorporate some of that in your everyday life now? Can you upgrade your linen to something that better reflects you (natural fibres, luxurious textures, neutral colours – take your pick!)
Can you bring nature into your home (there is nothing more beautiful and soothing than having plants inside and outside our homes). Let alone the physical health benefits gained too.
What about incorporating some movement into your day? Did you know that is a wonderful way to re-connect with yourself, mind, body and spirit! Whether that be some brisk walking, yoga or Pilates, or a gym session. Whatever feels right and best for you is all that matters and that you are prioritising this by prioritising you!
Start small and do one thing daily, in time you will notice the momentum taking hold, how far you and your routines/habits have com. And in the process you will have re-discovered you.
Just before I let you go, I was blessed with a friend who saw the signs of me crashing and would call every night and ask me what was good about my day and what was for dinner. While this was a lovely gesture, at the time it did little to help me out of my darkness. I gave what I thought were the right answers and then I did the opposite (which I could do as I lived alone).
This is such an important reminder and point of balance, calling loved ones is great, checking in on them is a different matter. Now this is quite a delicate juggle to not over step the mark while also making sure they are caring for themselves (even at a basic level). I made a choice for me, a step that led me on the path to healing and self-discovery. The path back to me. I chose to seek professional help.
Where are you right now? Does some or all of this resonate with you? Know that you are not alone, you are not crazy and help is available. Most importantly you are worth the time and energy to heal and get back to you x
Will you find the path back to you?